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According to the Chronicle’s City Insider, Mayor
Gavin
Newsom and his family are already in Hawaii, there to celebrate
Thanksgiving.
Which is still 5 days away.

And good for the Newsoms! They deserve it. I
mean,
this past year has been a doozy, an emotional roller coaster for Gavin. I
know
he plans to get some much deserved R&R on his Hawaiian holiday.

How
do I
know this? I stole the vacation itinerary from the back of an idling
bulletproof, black Chevy Tahoe in front of the Peet’s on Chestnut.

What?

And so, because it’s exhausting pretending not to
care,
enjoy Gavin Newsom’s Hawaiian Thanksgiving, Wednesday, November 24,
2010:

8:00am: LGE (Lieutenant Governor Elect) wake-up via
free
downloaded iPhone alarm app that plays “Hail to the Chief.”

8:15am: Stretching on the lanai followed by a jog
through
the lush grounds of the Siebel Family Hawaiian vacation estate. (Ugh,
just
typing that made me die a little inside.) Inspirational cardio mix to
include:
“Power” by Kanye West, “Touches You” by Mika and “King of Anything” by
Sarah
Bareilles. Also acceptable: anything
featured on The Hangover Soundtrack and
the music from THIS.

9:30: Outdoor shower (Aveda products, to be prepped
by house
staff)

9:50: Personal grooming and ensemble selection.

11:00am: Use of 1983 Ferrari 308 (LGE will refer to
this as “the
Magnum”)

11:30am: Arrive at KTA Superstore in Kona’s Keauhow Shopping Village to get some of
that
Tropical Blend Tan Magnifier oil that Leland Yee keeps raving about.

12:00:
Lunch with Whitney Gomez, 7th Grade Social Studies teacher at
Kailua
Intermediate School, for detailed discussion on roles and
responsibilities of Lieutenant
Governor.

1:00pm:
LGE to return to estate for scheduled “chill time.” Must include viewing
of
Thanksgiving classic “Dutch” and follow-up discussion on roles and
responsibilities
of Lieutenant Governor with LGE’s daughter, who seems to have a more
solid
understanding of the upcoming professional duties.

3:00pm:
Conference call with incoming Sacramento staff to discuss prioritizing
set up
of new office. Call agenda items to include: list of LGE’s preferred
snack
items, installation of permanent map of all Starbucks within 10 square
miles of
Lieutenant Governor’s mansion and once LGE hangs up the line, staff to
draw
straws to determine who must explain to LGE that he doesn’t get a
mansion.

4:00pm:
Oprah’s on.

5:00pm:
LGE to meet with household staff to go over Thanksgiving menu. Special
request
of “turkey.”

5:15pm:
Mr. and Mrs. LGE to cocktail party with Mayor and First Lady of
Honolulu.
Provide LGE with “San Francisco” scented candle hostess gift to bring.

7:00:
Mr. and Mrs. LGE to dinner with Gabrielle Reece and Laird Hamilton at
The Big
Kahuna’s Vegan Luau.

10:00pm:
Mr. And Mrs. LGE return to estate. Mrs. LGE to retire to her room to
watch
Hoarders on Hulu.

10:15pm:
LGE to “the Magnum.”

10:45pm:
LGE to arrive at CocoNutz Bar and Lounge. Usual table to be reserved by
office
staff in advance.

10:55pm:
7th Grade Social Studies teacher at Kailua Intermediate
School,
Whitney Gomez to arrive at CocoNutz Bar and Lounge.

12:15am:
LGE to return to estate.

12:30am:
Application of anti-aging nighttime mask, overnight tooth whitener and
seaweed
hair mud.

12:45am:
Nightly review of Google alert.

1:00am: Nightly memo to staff delegating blame for
all LGE mentions on World Wide Web. 

1:15am:
LGE to sleep, household staff to play “Forrest Gump Suite” until REM
reached.

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  • DJTennessee

    Do Aveda products really result in such conspicuously Barry Bonds-like head-size growth? I’m never touching Smooth Infusion again.

  • DJTennessee

    Do Aveda products really result in such conspicuously Barry Bonds-like head-size growth? I’m never touching Smooth Infusion again.