Sexy vampire (and more!) HBO show True Blood returns for its third Season this Sunday at 9. To prepare for its arrival, my sexy vampire fan pals Rain Jokinen (who’s read the books the series is based on and who wrote up last season for us) and Katie Doze (who seemingly reads every internet spoiler out there) agreed to have a bit of an instant messenger roundtable with me to talk about the upcoming season. Here we go!

Eve: I am excited about Season 3 of True Blood and presumably you two are too.

Rain:
Oh man. Can’t wait. ALCIDE!. Hot werewolf action!

Katie: i might have to buy HBO

Rain: here’s a tip: if you have Comcast call them and threaten to switch to DirectTV, and they will give you free HBO for a year

Eve: Katie try this and inform us. But first we talk Eric and his flip flops!

Katie: oh geez. I heard on NPR (kill me, I know), that he is full on naked in like the first 10 minutes

Rain: YEEES.

Eve: So when we left TB, Bill had proposed to Suuuuuki, she said yes, and Bill was gone. Where did he go? Do we know?

Rain: I know, but I won’t spoil it, assuming they follow the books. But here’s the thing….In the books, Bill is even more of a drag than he is on the show

Eve: how is that possible

Rain: so by the time he’s kidnapped, you’re relieved

Katie: you know, I’m starting to like Bill more and more

Rain: He turns into a computer nerd

Katie: ahahaha

Rain: I SHIT YOU NOT. He develops a facebook for vampires. SWEAR IT

Eve: THIS IS A JOKE RIGHT

Katie: That’s stupid. Alan Ball wont allow that – will he?

Rain: He works on a project for the queen…a computer database and spends all his time on it ignoring Sookie. “Beeeeeel, turn of the computer!” So, yeah. I can’t remember if the kidnapping comes before or after the computer thing in the books…I think after, in which case they are skipping over it for the show.

Katie: I am seriously concerned about the werewolf thing

Eve: Well, I did a bit of research and it seems like some fans thought last season was “over the top.” From internet spoilers and the books, is next season going to be more restrained or more goofy than the last?

Rain: They need to tone it down a little, but with the introduction of werewolves, who knows?

Katie: that’s seems Twilight-y to me

Rain: I think the Sookie books did it first, though. Which is just another reason to hate Twilight. And, Alcide in the books, her werewolf guardian, is so much hotter than Bill. But I like ‘em big and hairy, not short and pasty, so maybe it’ just me.

Katie:So, are the werewolves going to swarm in? Do they already live there?

Rain: I think it ties into the kidnapping

Katie: But this werewolves vs. vampire thing – sorta new, right? I mean, except for the Kate Beckinsale in corset movies. I don’t like the mix, especially when in True Blood, it’s all about vampires & humans co-existing

Rain: but Sam’s been there from the beginning, so it wasn’t just vamps

Katie: But he isn’t macho like werewolves

Rain: No. ’cause he’s just a lowly shapeshifter

Eve: The hierarchy confuses me! Vamps and shapeshifters and werewolves!

Rain: and fairies! THERE WILL BE FAIRIES

Katie: Oh dear. What did you think of Rachel Evan Wood as Queen, Rain?

Rain: She. Was. Awful. I blame Marilyn Manson

Katie: who would you have cast?

Rain: Britney Spears. Louisiana, y’all!

Katie: So, the Tara character, I am wondering what we’ll see next

Rain: That’s a change from the books I really like. She’s kind of a minor character in the book. And white. In the books she owns a clothing store called Tara’s Togs

Katie: that is SO harry potter

Rain: and in the books Sookie always describes her outfits in detail and they are always AWFUL.

Katie: Is Jason as hot in the book as he is on the show

Rain: No, but something happens to him that I am not sure they will do in the shows

Katie: he gets fat!

Rain: Only during certain times of the month. SPOILER ALERT

Rain: OMG I forgot there’s also a chance of witches, seriously, the books are nuts.

Eve: Rain, you told me once that Sookie gets with Eric, is that right?

Rain: I will spoil nothing! Except everything I already have

Katie: Question: Will we like Sookie more or less in Season 3?

Rain: I always get a little ticked by critics who say Sookie is an idiot

Eve: I like Sookie! She is candid and seems as annoyed by events as I am! “What’s with the egg?” etc.

Rain: And as far as heroines in vampire stories go, she’s SO much more active in her own story.

Eve: Agreed! Much less passive

Rain: And yes, a little whiny. But Bill is a pill

Katie: How come Bill is so pasty and Eric is so nicely tan

Rain: ha! totally! I don’t think he’s tan. I just think he looks less pasty cause he’s blonde and has highlights

Katie: Hey! What about Jessica? Is she in the books?

Rain: Jessica is something NOT in the books at all, at least so far as I have gotten.

Eve: that was a good season closer for her. I liked that. The whole her killing (I assume killing) the truck driver thing.

Rain: Yeah. I liked her and her guy friend. I wanted them to work out.

Eve: So why are we, three adult women, so psyched about the return of this show?

Rain: Because I like to hear Bill say “Suuki.” And also, because Eric is hotness. And because it is so dumb, it works.

Katie: Alan Ball knows how to make things appealing. Six Feet Under was annoying, but appealing. “It is so dumb, it works.” That’s the best thing I’ve heard.

Rain: I just love it all. The horrible accents. The way each episode ends with some kind of cliffhanger.

Eve: If we had a Merlottes in SF I would go every night

Rain: Horrible shit happens, but people still go back to work at that restaurant. “My boyfriend was a serial killer, but gotta make my tips!”
me: “Gram got killed, want fries with that?”

Eve: Team Bill or Team Eric?

Rain: Eric. And Alcide. I dig the wolves.

Katie: um, I’m going to have to say Bill. I’M SORRY. This is a recent development of mine, but Eric plays way too many games.

Eve: Marry fuck kill Eric Sam Bill?

Rain: Keep Sam as your dog, fuck Eric, have Bill do your taxes, and marry no one

the author

Eve Batey is the editor and publisher of the San Francisco Appeal. She used to be the San Francisco Chronicle's Deputy Managing Editor for Online, and started at the Chronicle as their blogging and interactive editor. Before that, she was a co-founding writer and the lead editor of SFist. She's been in the city since 1997, presently living in the Outer Sunset with her husband, cat, and dog. You can reach Eve at eve@sfappeal.com.

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