It is bizarre and wonderful to me that ABC Channel 7 News Reporter Dan Noyes manages to get into the most exciting altercations on camera. Because in real life, Dan is incredibly laid back and funny. Having known him for a few years, I totally consider Dan Noyes my friend, and every once in awhile, my friend Dan throws down in the name of truth and justice. It’s…awesome.

You might remember Dan’s most famous run-ins, those with Mayor Gavin Newsom. Once, Gavin got so mad at Dan he did this big clap of frustration. The Mayor seemed so aggrieved by Dan’s questions about Newsom’s alleged drinking that Gavin opened his arms and then just smacked them together in a physical display of annoyance. My heart beats a little faster just thinking about it.

Recently, Dan’s reporting what he says are some pretty serious misuse of funds at Laguna Honda Hospital. Dan says that it appears that money donated to the hospital’s Patient Gift Fund hasn’t all been going to the intended recipients, which the hospital says on its website is their patients (many of whom are some of the city’s poorest ill and infirm).

Instead, Dan says “the hospital administration has been spending ten of thousand of dollars on gourmet meals, airline tickets and other items – not on the patients.” For their part, Laguna Honda disputes Dan’s reporting, saying “The gift fund has two purposes. It is used to provide amenities to residents and to provide support for hospital staff,” even as the the Gift Fund page on their website, makes no mention of the money going to anyone but patients. It’s all very confusing, so Dan went down there to get to the bottom of things. That’s when all hell broke lose.

In an attempt to talk to the hospital’s director, about to start a public meeting, Dan gets intercepted by the hospital’s Communications Director, Marc Slavin. This isn’t that weird. Communications Directors’ jobs are to get out in front of the press and spin a story. But generally, they keep their hands in their pockets. Or maybe on some pamphlets. Not Marc!

No, Marc decided that he’s got to delicately touch Dan. I can’t say that I blame him. Dan is a tall drink of water, a smooth silver fox. But he was there in a professional capacity. I mean, this was not the time. But there’s Marc, laying his hand upon Dan like Jesus curing a leper.

It gets real weird real fast.

Marc and his hand wasn’t kosher with Dan, so my friend used the phrase many women in tacky bars have uttered before and since, “Don’t touch me.”

What often happens in these tacky bar awkward situations is that, embarrassed, the toucher continues to touch. To stop would be admitting fault, and a creepy fault at that. The toucher knows it’s wrong, but now people are watching. Now the toucher has to make it a game, make it the touchee’s fault. No one buys it, of course. He’s just delaying the inevitable.

Like Marc, who now finds himself on the news. You’ve got to watch this video. It’s another Noyes gem. And really, it’s probably nearing porn to those who enjoy a very specific, under-reported fetish.

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  • SoSlot

    This is the level of competency the City of San Francisco

    pays out $132,000 to its Communication Director at Laguna Honda.

    He must have received a degree in Braille Communications.

    2009 San Francisco City Workers Pay.

    CITY RANK3572

    EMPLOYEE NAME MARC SLAVIN

    JOB CLASS DESCRIPTIONSPECIAL ASSISTANT XVI

    REG PAY $132,518.79

    TOTAL PAY $132,518.79

  • generic

    I saw one really annoying guy getting under the skin of another really annoying guy.

    Well played.

  • SoSlot

    Generic:

    I’ll give you that perhaps both are annoying but only one

    was annoying and professionally and socially clueless.

    The question of where and how Mr. Slavin was raised comes

    up and did he intermingle with other primates?

  • Greg Dewar

    Mark Slavin’s an asshole. Laguna Honda mistreats its patients and sucks up money for bullshit administrators. Noyes showed restraint – anyone else woulda busted Slavin’s candy-ass jaw for his crap (and deservedly so!)

    Noyes is awesome, he doesn’t take shit from anyone, and he exposes these overpaid jerkoffs for the fools they really are. Too bad we’re paying Slavin’s inflated salary – his bullshit wouldn’t play for very long in the non-subsidized world.

  • marcos

    Hyper entitled bureaucrats like Slavin at LHH, Vinson at DTIS, St. Croix at Ethics, Badiner and Nikitas at Planning, the entire operations of the Library, Fine Arts Museums and Rec and Park are in place to ensure that all lucrative contracts are let to the properly politically vetted vendors, that the attentions of the agencies are devoted to the properly politically vetted constituencies through favorable treatment or private access to public facilities, to the exclusion of the non sanctified, and that government of San Francisco can be used as an enriching experience for those willing to spend unprecedented amounts of money in citywide elections. Bloomberg is the only candidate to spend the order of magnitude per voter that Newsom and Brown have.

    Now that these six figure entrenched bureaucrats are being challenged by San Franciscans who participate in rather than buy democracy, they are beginning to go off the rails. Witness Newsom’s efforts at Ethics to eliminate the city ban on dual office holding and shutting down on responding substantively to sunshine requests, so that he might appoint an acting interim mayor to serve out the last year of his term, lest the dirty stinky progressives get control of Room 200.

    Progressives have our faults, to be sure. But the sheer scale of the vacuuming up of San Francisco’s tax dollars into the pockets of the already rich should unite us all against this ongoing scam.

    -marc

  • sharon

    Dan Noyes is an unprofessional, unstable blowhard, and despite my low opinion of him, I can’t help but be embarrassed on his behalf, particularly at the point in which you can hear the stress & panic in his voice as it rises a couple of octaves: I don’t even KNOW you! Pathetic.

    He is a parasite, and posting this as his friend isn’t doing him any favors. It’s already being snickered at all over facebook & twitter. Marc Slavin is a hired gun, and the touchy thing is odd indeed, but as a “journalist,” and I must use quotes here, Noyes has a standard of professionalism that he has missed by a long mile. As per usual.

  • deanmike

    Tosh