A few months ago, I would have approached Leap Year with horrid expectations. My 12.5 year relationship and
2.5 year marriage had just ended in a very dramatic and assholey way. Drivel,
stupid, fantasy-like love? Noooo thankks!
But now, I’m aight, I’ve
turned a page, and I’ve always liked
romantic-travel comedies like In Bruges or Romancing the Stone. “Maybe this will be ok?” I reassured myself. I should have listened to my gut.
Okay, we all know this movie, directed by Anand Tucker, is formulaic. All romantic comedies
are, unless you take, The Break Up, in which they
never reconciled. Which sealed that movie’s romantic-comedy fate forever: no one liked it.
Amy
Adams has yet to demonstrate that she’s good enough to be a leading lady, but she sorta looks
like Nicole Kidman, and she has that “sunny disposition” about her that
makes her seem good for roles.
She plays Anna, a rich pushy bitch who wears
stilettos and always has a plan. She’s in a four year relationship with a
rich bitch cardiologist, Adam Scott. They have not gotten married yet
(OH MY GOD STOP THE PRESSES!). They are about to purchase a fancy
apartment together. He does not propose at the dinner she thinks he’s
going to propose at.
So she goes to Dublin where he’s at a convention for a few days,
because February 29th is coming up, and in this universe it is only acceptable for a woman to propose on that date.
On her travels there’s
some storm which prevents her to go all the way to Dublin, and she ends
up hiring a boat to take her to the Dingle Peninsula. She ends up in
a bar owned by Declan, acted by the slightly velociraptor-y
face of Matthew Goode, a grungey tall drink of water who needs money to
save his bar.
WHAT? You haven’t even slept with the dude, and now you guys are going to marry?
She offers him money to drive her to Dublin. He accepts. You get
the sense that he’s a good natured guy. Especially when her stillettos
cause his vintage Renault to sink to the bottom of a river.
Whoops! But he still tags along with her!
So some weak banter happens between them, probably because he’s a
little mad about the car and she’s a bumbling idiot. They come
across boring situations, more like she can’t believe this or that about
whatever, and they end up in a B+B where they have to act married.
They end up liking each other, sexual tension, have fun cooking,
they are forced to kiss. Then they leave the B+B, she arrives in Dublin
and sees Adam Scott. She does not propose. He does.
Back in
the states, they are at a party and she finds out the reason why he
proposed was to get the apartment board to let them buy the apartment,
so he figured “Why not?”. Not romantic enough! She leaves!
The beginning and middle of this movie is tolerable. I’d watch it
bedridden from swine (my current predicament) if it came on Lifetime. But the ending is so full of shit.
Anna goes back to the bar to ask Declan if they’d like to hang out with
no strings attached or master plan, since he’s a laid-back guy. He
leaves without saying anything and then she goes out on a cliff and
cries. He comes back with a ring and asks her to marry him. She says yes.
WHAT?
You haven’t even slept with the dude, and now you guys are going to
marry?
Audience: shame on you for clapping. Not to mention, a minute
ago she didn’t want a commitment! You spent how much money to fly back
and tell him this? I did not know I’ve been reviewing Grease.
This movie is about men who like weak women. I gossip and scoff about men
who like weak women to my strong female friends all the time. They
suck.
I’m offended that romantic comedies suck. I’m offended that money
was spent on this. I’m offended that women will pay to see this and
think that marriage is the answer to a fun adventure. This movie is just plain wrong.
