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Every once in awhile, I get a weird, random email from someone who’s googled themselves or their friend or their business and they’ll discover a post I wrote 836 years ago and want me to change it.

I’d like to point out that my own mother googled herself and wasn’t wild about my blog posts that popped up. “Can you change that, Bethy?”

No. No, I can’t. Because no one cares.

Today, I received this:

Hi Beth,

My name is Bobby, and I’m currently working for Intrapromote as an agency partner of Four Seasons. In my research, I came across your blog and noticed you have a link to Four Seasons San Francisco (http://www.fourseasons.com/sanfrancisco/) on your “Ditto” post (http://bethspotswood.blogspot.com/2007/02/ditto.html). Thanks so much for considering us! In an effort to assist with Four Seasons Online Marketing efforts, would it be possible to slightly modify this link? Currently, the link reads “Gavin’s pied a terre” that links to www.fourseasons.com/sanfrancisco/. Would it be possible to change it so that it read “Four Seasons San Francisco Hotel”? Let me know if this is possible! This would be a great help for us, thanks so much!

Best,
Bobby

Um, what the fuck?

Dear Bobby,

No, it is not possible. And let me tell you why. First of all, that post is from February of 2007 so I assure you, you’re the only one who’s reading it. Second of all, why on God’s green Earth should I “assist with Four Seasons Online Marketing efforts”? Why would any blogger amend their links into an advertisement for you? Why not just send me an email asking me to include “Four Seasons San Francisco Hotel” into every post I write? I could also include Tampax Brand Tampons and Sunset Pastures Retirement Community somewhere into stories about family vacations and personal tribulations. Do you think they’d appreciate my linkage as much as you?

Because Bobby, as much as I’d like to help the Four Seasons San Francisco Hotel and you, Bobby Pham of Intrapromote LLC, I need a creatively titled link more than you need my help in branding your global corporation.

So again, no. I’m not going to change the wording on my blog post from 33 months ago entitled “Ditto” that still includes a link to your client, Four Seasons San Francisco Hotel. I will, however publish our correspondence on the popular website, the San Francisco Appeal (Appeal Media, LLC) and tell significantly more people than would have ever read “Ditto” of your plight.

I would be happy to reconsider this matter after say, a complimentary weekend in a suite at the Four Seasons San Francisco Hotel or perhaps dinner for me and 17 of my closest friends at “Windows”, Seasons private dining room ideal for entertaining family, social and business occasions. Let me know if this is possible. This would be a great help for me.

Thanks for reading!

Your pal,

Beth

Photo: Seasons

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  • Greg Dewar

    I get those kinds of things too….I usually ask them to buy an ad and watch them scatter like mice.

    PS: “836 years ago” – yet another bit of Beth brilliance 🙂

  • Xenu

    Talk about invasive SEO. What kind of webmaster would change a link and/or URL at the whim of some marketing douchebag?

  • Richmondsfblog

    I think he just got a whole lot more linkbait with this article so his mission is accomplished. Four Seasons should renew their contract. 😉

    Sarah B.

  • PatriciaA

    Priceless Beth, absolutely priceless. I had to read this post twice because I kept telling other people about “Bobby from inappropriate media ” when I was corrected by another person saying there is no “Bobby at Inappropriate media” in the article.

    I usually put those wunderkind emails in the spam folder…

  • Madfoot

    Chutzpah, we call it.

  • rachael

    beth, i want to have 50000 of your babies!