Dear Babe,

I really like this guy. I think I could maybe love him, but he keeps telling me he cares about me but he’s not ready to be in a relationship with me. I said I’d wait and he’s very attentive and considerate but he’s also out having threesomes with models he meets at his DJing job.

What can I do to bring him around and make him ready for me?


Dear Waiting,

The only one you need to bring around is yourself. By waiting for this guy you are humiliating yourself. You need to go out and have your own threesomes with models.

And really if he tells you on the up and up that he can’t be in a relationship with you, why are you in one with him? Get some self-respect and go live your life before it’s over.

Keep in mind, the first thing that will happen is he will suddenly be ready for you, but really he’s just making sure you’re still there for him. And the minute you are he’ll either not be ready anymore or he’ll be cheating on you.

If I could reach you I’d slap you straight (lovingly),
Nagging questions holding you back? Babe Scanlon’s got your answer. A SF native, she’s been figuring this place out far longer than she cares to admit, and now she’s ready to share. Email her at and let the veil of confusion lift. Please do keep in mind: Babe Scanlon is not presenting herself as an expert in anything that means you can sue her or the Appeal if you take her advice and your life tanks. Her recommendations are just that: recommendations.

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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  • sfboogie


  • Eve Batey

    If I did not know better, I would think this letter is a fake! I am not blaming the victim, here, but I have to ask: are there women out there who are really that, let’s say “understanding” (I say to be diplomatic)? Is it really that desperate a scene out there that gals will put up with stuff like this? Perspectives, please.

  • sfboogie

    I have a friend (inherited by way of boyfriend) who just snapped out of a depression after a guy she was dating for two months didn’t return her calls for a few days. Never mind that 28 days of those two months he was in rehab- only to start drinking the day after getting out of rehab. I’m no saint, but lordy!

  • Babe Scanlon

    I wish this question was a fake. I”M SO OVER people putting their love relationships before themselves. Honestly it makes me sick.

  • Erik

    Women are crazy.

  • sfresident

    This letter just makes me sad for humanity.

    But it does lead to an important question. How does one have threesomes with models? I’m not willing to become a DJ. Or dink cocktails of the sort in the photograph attached to the article. Advice?

  • bennyinsf

    An enema should do the trick.