images.jpgI never blew anybody worthwhile. I realized this yesterday. My friend’s novel is being submitted to a literary agent by a girl who’s sure the agent will read it, because she’s blown him. There’s no one about whom I can say that.

You know, as a young lady, you try to pick out the ones who are going to be somebody, like guys in bands, popular guys, the handsome ones, the ones who are good at sports. But I came up wrong across the board. Not one of them amounted to anything worthwhile to me. And we’re in our 40s now so they’ve had plenty of time. Sure there are a few lawyers here and there, but no one who could do me any good. No agents, no one who could fund a startup or bankroll a fashion line, no one famous and certainly no one who could get my novel published, or even read.

And what really sucks is that all my life I’ve secretly been in love with the lanky, backpack toting, science nerds. I’d go to my classes early if Physics, or something sciencey, was the class before mine. I’d swoon over the nerds as they shuffled out of the classroom, their corduroy pants making that “zuh zuh” noise as they went by. Watching them gave me a feeling that I could only describe as “thrilling”. I thought it was the attraction/repulsion thing but dammit, now I know it was the animal nose of my ambition telling me that’s who I should blow.

The geeks I secretly adored, and yet would only be friends with, have become CEOs, Hollywood producers, computer geniuses, and plastic surgeons. Most of them are already financially independent. They’re jetting around the world, making the deals that mean something. While the recipients of my blowing efforts are providing shitty service at Kinko’s.

If there is one thing I could do for my life, one thing that would make all of my efforts fruitful, all the humiliation and unpleasantness worth something, I’d go back in time and I would blow those nerds.


On her way to finding answers to your questions, Babe sees and hears a lot. Loiterer tells some of these stories, but she’s just one loiterer in a city of thousands — send your overheards and pocket-sized anecdotes her way.

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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  • Jeff D.

    it is NEVER too late to start blowing nerds.

  • the_minimalist_route

    I’m a nerd who, 15 years ago in high school, thought to myself “you women going after the jocks and tough guys are all gonna wish you blew me someday!”

    Well, I can’t say that they all wish that these days and I don’t know that any of them regret the choices they made at the time but I’ve had probably about ten or so old female acquaintances ask me in the subsequent, “you know…how come we never dated when we were younger?” and it makes me crazy! It wasn’t because I didn’t try!

  • M. Harper

    I wouldn’t say it’s a good policy to rely on patriarchal nepotism for personal advancement. In fact, I would call that a bad policy.