Stow your designer luggage and fasten those seatbelts — low and tight! We’re about to go first class….and the destination? Fabulous!

Pam Ann, comedic A-list air hostess to the stars, is the snappy trolley dolly alter ego of Australian comedienne Caroline Reid.

At the Pam Ann headquarters in the East Village of New York City, Pam has her feet up, ice cold martini in hand and the dream of dropping an Ambien after our interview. The whole world is her galley and her biggest fans are often her biggest targets: airline employees, pilots and flight attendants.

I, myself, was a former flight attendant (just to keep stereotypes alive). However, Pam’s mission is to bring glitz back to the ailing airline industry.

“Once upon a time boarding a Boeing meant style class and glamour and that’s been sucked out of the air, hasn’t it?” Pam says “It’s been sucked out like a big gaping hole in a Qantas 747.”

Pam asserts her feelings for glamour over safety describing some of the amenities aboard a routine Pam Ann flight. “First, we offer full service. We cater more for the gays; there’s no mile high club because the whole plane is fucking.” Well, that intrigued this weary traveler. So, what else is on board?

“We have no children on board our flights, ice sculptures in the back and the electric knife is making a big comeback! So, I can carve up a big roast beef in first class!”

Undoubtedly a first class gal all the way, Pam is definitely not shy about her disdain for Economy passengers. “I have a taser gun on board. If anybody tries to cross classes, I will taser them back to their seat.”

With stellar service like that, Pam is quick to point out the quirks of the competing air carriers. I asked her about the mention of Easyjet strapping passengers to a pole for standing room only flights. “Easyjet? You might as well stand on that shit box of an airline,” Pam said, “Darling, where’s the al Qaeda when you need them?”

We chatted about the infamous “Miracle on the Hudson” landing by Captain Sullenberger. “I don’t understand what the big deal is? Pam Ann flights land in the water every day. It’s just more fun!”

Hoping that local gays and crews will fill the seats at her upcoming San Francisco appearances, Pam said “I don’t need to be told if Southwest is there or not. You can always smell them coming.” Between chuckling at her own jokes and sipping her martini, Pam could barely contain her excitement for performing in what she dubs “the gay mecca,” noting she always flies with her favorite pilot ,”Captain Rimming.”

Well, no rim shots will be needed as Pam plans to serve up her inimitable blend of camp, humor and fabulousness for two nights at the legendary Castro Theatre. You won’t need to know how to operate the exit row doors, because after one evening on board with Pam Ann, you will never want to leave!

What: Comedienne Pam Ann
When: October 17 and 18 at 7 PM
Where: The Castro Theatre (329 Castro Street)
Tickets: can be purchased at the box office (415) 392-4400 or online

Please make sure your comment adheres to our comment policy. If it doesn't, it may be deleted. Repeat violations may cause us to revoke your commenting privileges. No one wants that!