People in San Francisco like to take drugs, and take great pride in being functional recreational drug users. Every San Franciscan has a “my guy,” who they can call up at anytime, day or night, and ask cryptic questions like, “Want to meet up for a drink?”

This makes you think that their drug dealer is actually their friend, and he/she probably is, because part of being a San Francisco drug user is affecting an attitude of laid-back acceptance. In other words, you’re only as street as the person who sells you crack, and that person is probably pretty street.

In San Francisco, imbibing mood-altering substances is more acceptable than not composting your leftover lasagna. Which can lead to problems if a San Franciscan takes this freewheeling attitude with them when they visit friends in other cities. All of a sudden you’re in a bar with a San Franciscan and they start saying things like, “Want some party favors?” And while you’re stuck on the fact that birthday partiers in San Francisco still go home with favors after the age of seven, the San Franciscan has already cut three lines right there on the bar. When everyone starts screeching in horror like a class of 5th graders who just completed the D.A.R.E. program, the San Franciscan’s confusion and childlike innocence become apparent.

Honestly, a San Franciscan’s level of naivete to the idea that drugs are illegal is an amazing thing to see when you consider that when a San Franciscan gets pulled over by the police their first reaction is not to act like they had no idea they were doing 50 in a 25 but to say, “Thank you very much Officer Douche.” In other words it takes a lot for a San Franciscan to even pretend to not understand something.

But don’t ever accuse a San Franciscan of not being creative when it comes to their drug taking, I mean this is the city where Burning Man or Get Fucked Up in the Desert and Call it Art, was invented. A real San Franciscan can get high off pretty much any substance, so the next time someone asks you if they can freebase your Wellbutrin, and your D.A.R.E. training starts to kick in, just remember that in San Francisco dare is a word not an acronym.

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