personality hotels cougar.jpg

SF Appeal is no stranger to a cougar’s needs, so we pass this gem onto you. And your cougar friend. Personality Hotels now offers a cougar package, which includes:

  • one-night stay at Hotel Diva
  • two Hanky Panky animal print thongs
  • two lemon drop cocktails>
  • two $25 gift certificates at Epi Med Spa
  • pro bra fittings for two at Nordstrom
  • one list of San Fran’s “hottest Cougar Bars”

Wait–two thongs? Two cocktails (oh, wait, that’s just dinner)? But two bra fittings? Since when do cougars participate in their mating rituals together?

Trust me, Personality Hotels knows what’s up. Two lonely cougars, looking for some cub love, don their leopard print thongs (cougars unfortunately don’t have nicely patterned coats). They hook their matching leopard print bras, professionally fitted. Over their lingerie they slink into their leopard print halter top dresses. Their gold strappy sandals reveal bright red toenails, which shine under the lights at their hot cougar bars.

But even the lemon drop cocktails don’t help the night’s offerings. Dejected and cubless, the cougar pals return to Hotel Diva. They look into each other’s eyes and realize what Personality Hotels knew all along: they deserve more than this. They deserve each other, and maybe later each other’s own 20-year-old sons, but right now it’s each other. They fall into bed together, delighting in sapphic pleasure and giggling over their matching lingerie and swapping sweet lemon drop kisses.

What: Cougar package offered by Personality Hotels
When: Good until March 31, 2010
Where: San Francisco
Cost: $199

But wait, there’s more! You could win this all for free (plus an extra night in the room for the cougar friend’s son) by entering the Cougar Contest. To enter,

  1. explain in 150 words why you belong in Diva’s cougar den
  2. include your cougar mug

in an email to Nudity may or may not be encouraged.

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