I’ve been wondering the best way to observe the 40th Anniversary of the Manson Family’s Tate-Labianca murders this weekend, but the feds are already on top of it.

Yep, they’re releasing Lynette “Squeaky” Fromme.

Charlie aside, Squeaky is clearly the most openly nuts Family Member. If you’ll recall, she was not one of the five locked up for the Tate-LaBianca murders, although she and her squeaky voice apparently phoned in death threats to witnesses testifying against Charlie. Nope, Squeaky sat with everyone else outside the courtroom, carving shit into her forehead.

Years pass, life goes on, pages fall off the calendar.

All of the other family members rot in jail, wallowing in regret and getting incredibly old and infirm. Charlie joined the Aryan Brotherhood for protection and now writes kooky poetry. Leslie Van Houten earned two college degrees and Susan Atkins, the woman who wrote “PIG” in Sharon Tate’s blood on the front door in the hopes of starting a race war, is now paralyzed throughout 85% of her body. Even her prosecutor, Helter Skelter author Vincent Bugliosi, is open to wheeling her to freedom.

Squeaky, on the other hand, sent naked pictures to Charlie’s Aryan inmates, moved to Stockton to be near Manson, where mysterious deaths ensued, and tried to kill Gerald Ford because no one was taking her seriously. In jail, Squeaky attacked a fellow inmate with a claw hammer, tried to escape because she thought Charlie has testicular cancer and refused to attend her own parole hearings because she’s, well, nuts.

And oh yeah, she’s a character in the Sondheim musical, Assassins.

She’ll be wandering around Haight Street in like, 2 weeks.

Here’s hoping she doesn’t have internet access, but I can’t see why, out of all the residents of Spahn Ranch, we’re letting Squeaky out. The chick that can’t move, sure. But Squeaky Fromme still thinks it’s 1969. She threw an apple at the U.S.District Attorney, for chrissakes. And, on a personal note, she scares the shit out of me.

I’m paranoid about this kinda stuff to begin with, but for the record, it’s been exactly 40 years since the Manson Family turned Hollywood into an insanely violent bloodbath, it’s a full moon tonight and Squeaky Fromme’s getting out of the clink.

Pardon me while I go drag this armoire in front of my door…

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