Dear Babe,

I have to buy a gift for my friend’s 3 year old daughter’s birthday but I’M SO BORED by the kids’ toys I’ve been buying her all these years that I can hardly stand to even think about shopping for one.

Do you have any ideas that might help me get through this?

Bored for the Babies

Dear Bored,

Owl turds.

Not so long ago I was shopping around in the Mission and I went into Paxton Gate’s Curiosity for Kids. I was immediately drawn to some little rumpled up balls of shiny gold tin foil. Within these tempting shiny morsels were heaps of owl poo. The idea is that you buy them as a gift for a kid who would then have the pleasure of riffling through the turds to find little animal bones.

I immediately wanted them, then I thought of all the kids I knew who would want one. Then, with the most glee, I imagined how incredibly offended their mother’s would be that I had given their children actual crap as a present. I nearly wet myself with both excitement and satisfaction.

Get ye to Paxton Gate’s Curiosity for Kids. The 3 year old will love any present you get her there and who knows, maybe you’ll offend her mother enough to be let off the hook for future birthday presents?


Nagging questions holding you back? Babe Scanlon’s got your answer. A SF native, she’s been figuring this place out far longer than she cares to admit, and now she’s ready to share. Email her at babe@sfappeal.com and let the veil of confusion lift. Please do keep in mind: Babe Scanlon is not presenting herself as an expert in anything that means you can sue her or the Appeal if you take her advice and your life tanks. Her recommendations are just that: recommendations.

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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