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Dear Babe,

I have to buy a gift for my friend’s 3 year old daughter’s birthday but I’M SO BORED by the kids’ toys I’ve been buying her all these years that I can hardly stand to even think about shopping for one.

Do you have any ideas that might help me get through this?

Sincerely,
Bored for the Babies

Dear Bored,

Owl turds.

Not so long ago I was shopping around in the Mission and I went into Paxton Gate’s Curiosity for Kids. I was immediately drawn to some little rumpled up balls of shiny gold tin foil. Within these tempting shiny morsels were heaps of owl poo. The idea is that you buy them as a gift for a kid who would then have the pleasure of riffling through the turds to find little animal bones.

I immediately wanted them, then I thought of all the kids I knew who would want one. Then, with the most glee, I imagined how incredibly offended their mother’s would be that I had given their children actual crap as a present. I nearly wet myself with both excitement and satisfaction.

Get ye to Paxton Gate’s Curiosity for Kids. The 3 year old will love any present you get her there and who knows, maybe you’ll offend her mother enough to be let off the hook for future birthday presents?

xx
Babe

Nagging questions holding you back? Babe Scanlon’s got your answer. A SF native, she’s been figuring this place out far longer than she cares to admit, and now she’s ready to share. Email her at babe@sfappeal.com and let the veil of confusion lift. Please do keep in mind: Babe Scanlon is not presenting herself as an expert in anything that means you can sue her or the Appeal if you take her advice and your life tanks. Her recommendations are just that: recommendations.

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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  • JTony

    I am pretty sure those are owl pellets, and not owl poo. Those pellets did not pass through the body.

    Instead, owls have a special process where they swallow something whole, and then either in the crop or stomache, the good bits are stripped from the bones, featehrs, fur, and other detritus.

    The good stuff continues on through the digestive system, while the detritus is regurgitated in a great, mucusy lump ad dropped on the forrest floor to dry into the Pellets you saw at Paxton’s.

    Perhaps just a gross an idea, but a much less gross thing to touch than poo. And much cleaner to give out to your kids.

  • Babe Scanlon

    Thank you JTony. I really appreciate your information.

    And I think it’s still gross enough to be cool.

    xx,
    Babe

  • Christine Borden

    I totally had to dig through owl pellets in 3rd grade. They smelled funky, but sometimes you lucked out and got a skull or at least a jaw.

    And JTony’s right: it’s owl puke, which I agree is still gross.