(Warning: This post contains spoilers about the premiere episode of “Project Runway.”)

Yes, “Project Runway” is back, in case you missed all the ads and hype and the THREE-and-a-half hours of programming that was “PR”-themed on Lifetime last night. As of this writing, I only watched about half of the night’s first program, “The Project Runway All-Star Challenge,” but that was enough to prove that Santino is still an obnoxious and sometimes funny loudmouth, and Jefferey Sebelia’s head still looks like it was squeezed from a tube. And I haven’t even glanced at the post-“Runway” show “Models of the Runway,” which, as you can probably guess from the title, focuses on what has historically been the most boring aspect of the show, its models.

SO! As with any premiere episode of “Project Runway,” it’s almost impossible to keep track of all the designers, but here are the people that instantly stood out:

Logan Neitzel is a “guy’s guy,” which, apparently, means he is NOT gay.

Johnny Sakalis
is was a meth head. And is a cry baby.

Qristyl Frazier has a ridiculous first name, but she designs plus-size (or “plus-sexy,” as she calls it) clothing, so I’ll let that pass. If she sticks around long enough, we can at least be guaranteed ONE designer who won’t break down into tears at the thought of designing for a “normal” woman during that inevitable challenge.

Shirin Askari is an instant favorite because in her audition video, it looks like she designed an outfit that included a coat with a skirt that could be turned into a cape, which is a brilliant idea.

Ari Fish wants to make comfortable clothing that can purify water. So not kidding.

And Louise Black has Louise Brooks’s hair.

For the most part, the show really is the same, at least as far as structure is concerned. I’m not sure if the inclusion of Lindsay Lohan as a guest judge is indicative of the show’s raising or lowering of standards, but that’s just because Lindsay Lohan continues to puzzle me. But in all, yeah, the show’s on Lifetime now. So the hell what.

The challenge was to create a red carpet look, and for the most part, the designs bored me. There was way too much satin, as if satin means instant glamour. (Too often, it just means instant wrinkles.) My favorite was from my girl Shirin, who made a dress that had a cape that turned into part of a skirt! Little Edie would be so proud.

Alas, Shirin did not win, instead that title went to Christopher Straub, who I want to believe is related to Peter Straub, because then we might hope for some spooky clothes in the future. The conspiracy theorist in me would like to think Ari was auffed because she looks exactly like Samantha Ronson. But the truth is, she was a nut and her design was atrocious.

SEW! What did you think? Faves? Hates? Let us know in the comments!

the author

Rain Jokinen watches a lot of television and movies and then writes things about them on the Internet. She's a San Francisco native, and yeah, she'll rub that fact in your face any chance she gets.

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