Funny People — Metreon

I’m sitting here (not at work or anything) watching videos from Stephon Marbury’s latest webcam shows, where he eats Vaseline, cries while praying, and freestyle raps. It’s, as ESPN puts it “an excess of access“. And it’s not entirely different from Judd Apatow’s new movie starring Adam Sandler, Seth Rogen, and a bench of worthy sixth men (Jonah Hill, Leslie Mann, Eric Bana, Aubrey Plaza, Jason Schwartzman). The movie is an almost claustrophobic look at celebrity.

Apatow and Sandler were roommates in college. The movie opens with an actual home video of Sandler prank calling some restaurant complaining about the roast beef. It’s not very funny. And it’s the absolute perfect introduction to a confusingly realistic but fictional movie about comedians who are not very funny. It makes Bruno look like Lady Gaga jamming cotton candy up her vagina. And it’s brilliant.

They’re making me hold off on posting my review until Friday, when it opens, so please, I’m flattered, but you don’t need to protest in the streets. Website.

Shrink — Embarcadero Center Cinema

The therapist’s office has always been a popular setting for film and TV. And why not? Quiet space. Comfy chair. Ranting about dreams. Huge cost. It’s practically a private screening room, except this movie is your life and it costs 150 dollars an hour.

Shrink is another “leaning against the fragile wall that divides our work lives from our real lives” movie. You make six figures consoling egocentric Hollywood burnouts in Los Angeles too, right? Kevin Spacey does. Because after you do American Beauty you’re qualified to help teenage actresses with whatever they need. Can movies save the man who might hate Entourage more than I do?

Starts Friday. Info.

Thirst — The Bridge

Remember Oldboy? The main character had kind of a Jesus thing going on. He was an everyman under some extraordinary circumstances. He was a badass. He sort of came back from the dead. He had wild hair. And everyone knows Jesus was the original vampire. So it’s perfectly logical that Chan Wook Park would turn his signature Korean Psycho into a bloodthirsty priest. Right?

This movie won the Prix du Jury at the 2009 Cannes International Film Festival. I don’t know what the hell a Prix is, probably some kind of small European car, but anything that wins one is okay in my book. First 100 people to buy tickets get free hammers.

Starts Friday. Info.

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