Well, I was going to try and liveblog the Prop 8 hearing for you today, but I got busted trying to sneak out of the office doing it, so in penance, I’m going to read and summarize that ridiculous-looking article about the California gubernatorial race in the NY Times Magazine with the ludicrous picture of Gavin “I made a mess on my couch” Newsom on it, so you don’t have to.
–Gavin Newsom has a weird method of reading books where he underlines everything, has someone type up the underlines, and then reunderlines the underline compilation. This is because he’s dyslexic.
–Also, Gavin is using the word “audacity” now, to try and sound like Barack Obama (who, I might remind you all, he used to hate.)
–In summarizing his failed governorship, Schwarzenegger says “The bottom line is, even me as a celebrity governor — even with that, I can’t penetrate through certain things.” Heh heh, “penetrate.”
–Newsom says he’s going to be a good governor for California because he’s not good when things are going well. I guess things were going well in San Francisco before he got into office, then?
–Meg Whitman was photographed with a rental horse for the cover of Fortune.
–Author attempts to imitate Schwarzenegger’s accent in writing. Seems a little cliched, no?
–Schwarzenegger has installed a tent in a courtyard near the governor’s office so he can smoke his cigars. Schwarzenegger uses a large lighter; Author seems to imply this means he has a large penis. Author has a huge crush on Arnold Schwarznegger!!
–Jerry Brown posted 25 things you didn’t know about him on his Facebook page. He loves arugula. I think I already knew that about him.
–Brown mixes up “Finding Nemo” and “Where’s Waldo.” He’s old.
–Newsom talks up his Twitter feed and shows off his annotated version of the Bible. Did you know the Bible has lots of weird contradictions about things, including gay marriage? Wow!!
–This article says Calbuzz is a popular California politics website. What’s Calbuzz?
–Whitman receives a gift, and is asked if she will sell it on eBay. Wow, I didn’t see that joke coming at all either.
–Steve Poizner is running for governor?
–Tom Campbell is running for governor?
–Newsom talks again about how much he loves Barack Obama. Again — NO, YOU DON’T.
–Gee, Loretta Sanchez sounds like she wants to run for governor too.
–Newsom claims a lot of the things you heard about him and Ruby Rippey-Tourk weren’t true, even though he said at his press conference back in the day that “everything you’ve heard and read is true.”
–Newsom quotes some poet about urinating on grasshoppers. Then he confesses that he rode a stationary bike on Bike To Work Day.
Conclusion I have drawn after reading this article: I don’t want to live in this state anymore.