Dear Babe,
I’ve been friends with this girl for a long time. I know she’s insecure so I try to make things easier for her. She was really rude at my wedding but I know it’s because she wants to get married too, and hasn’t found anyone yet. She ignored me after my wedding but then I friended her on Facebook and we’ve had some nice conversations, many of them even initiated by her.

Then yesterday, I was walking my new baby around my neighborhood and I bumped into her. We had a nice chat and she seemed excited to meet my daughter and told me how cute she was, etc. but when I got home and logged into Facebook I found that she had de-friended me.

Don’t waste any energy on being mad at her or feeling sorry for her, she probably hasn’t found anyone to spend her life with because she’s mean.I know she’s sad that she still hasn’t found anyone to raise a family with but I don’t want that to stop her from being my friend. I also know I’ll see her again because she lives in the same neighborhood now. What should I do?

Dear De-friended,
You should stay the heck away from this woman. Her actions toward you, from being rude at your wedding to de-friending you on Facebook are conscious, deliberate attempts to hurt your feelings.

Would you allow anyone to treat your daughter like this? I doubt it. Take this as an opportunity to teach your daughter, by example, to only spend time and energy on those who have her best interests in mind by drop kicking this woman out of your life and not looking back.

Don’t waste any energy on being mad at her or feeling sorry for her, she probably hasn’t found anyone to spend her life with because she’s mean. Why would anyone choose to spend time with someone like that? Including you?

Thank your lucky stars that she so clearly identified herself as a jerk before she could cause any real damage, and next time you see her in your neighborhood, treat her like you would a stranger, with detached politeness and zero investment.

Image: Graphjam

Nagging questions holding you back? Babe Scanlon’s got your answer. A SF native, she’s been figuring this place out far longer than she cares to admit, and now she’s ready to share. Email her at and let the veil of confusion lift. Please do keep in mind: Babe Scanlon is not presenting herself as an expert in anything that means you can sue her or the Appeal if you take her advice and your life tanks. Her recommendations are just that: recommendations.

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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