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Dear Babe,

Eyebrow piercings on guys in their mid-30s? Is there any way that this can be OK? I met one (guy with piercing) and he seems perfect, but the Claire’s Boutiqueness of that piercing, at that age, in that location throws me for a loop. Fascinating conundrum or red flag?

Sincerely,
Piercing Perplexed

Dear Piercing Perplexed,
RED FLAG (90%)

I hate to say it, but I think that any guy who still wears his eyebrow piercing when he’s in his mid-30s is gonna cheat on you. Why? I’ll tell you why. He’s too worried about his image and whether he’s hip. Any man who’s that into his image is going to need more reinforcement than one steady, monogamous relationship can give him. He’s going to need constant proof that he’s still cool, and that means continuous conquests of the sexual nature.

Unless of course he knows it’s stupid and is just looking for a way to stop wearing it. Lots of guys that age have a hard time changing in front of their friends and need a woman to blame in order to take the heat off themselves. It’s like my husband and his drinking, he wanted to stop drinking all the time but didn’t have a reason that any of his friends would respect until he told them that I wanted him to drink less. Honestly I don’t’ care about his drinking but I understand because I use him as a false excuse to sales people all the time. He doesn’t care what I buy but telling sales people that my hubby will be mad if I buy what they’re sellin’ shuts them right up.

You know what business I would open if I were a surgeon? Earlobe reconstruction. Stretched out earlobes are only ok if you’re in college or work at Whole Foods but beyond that, they’re not going do you a shred of good, it’s the piercing equivalent of a face tattoo.

And another thing, when my dog is sick, or needs some sort of medical treatment I do NOT want to hand her over to a vet or vet tech who is covered in piercings. I just don’t think that a person who spends that much time hurting themselves has similar views to mine, on what level of pain is acceptable.

xx,
Babe

Nagging questions holding you back? Babe Scanlon’s got your answer. A SF native, she’s been figuring this place out far longer than she cares to admit, and now she’s ready to share. Email her at babe@sfappeal.com and let the veil of confusion lift. Please do keep in mind: Babe Scanlon is not presenting herself as an expert in anything that means you can sue her or the Appeal if you take her advice and your life tanks. Her recommendations are just that: recommendations.

the author

Babe Scanlon is a writer living and working in San Francisco. She's worked as an archaeologist, computer game designer, agent at Agent Provocateur and hypnotherapist. She is controlling your mind at this very moment.

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  • Katie Ann

    You mean face vagina?