Wow, Judge Illston deviated up! Ed Jew’s sad saga has finally ended, with the disgraced bubble-tea-shakedown supervisor getting a federal prison sentence of 64 months, or five years and four months, which is greater than the four years and nine months the US Attorney’s Office suggested. Sixty-four months, wow — that’s almost as long as the war in Iraq.

Ed’s surrender date is July 1. Look for some crazy tapioca parties in Burlingame on June 30, everyone! (Also, Ed still has to be sentenced for the lying about living in SF thing in state court — does anyone know if they just tack on the rest of the state criminal law sentence to his time in the federal pokey, or does he have to move facilities? Just wondering is all.)

And just to follow up on that whole head injury thing, the Chron clarifies that not only did Ed suffer a traumatic head injury at the age of 8 (to the point where he was in a coma, yikes), but that injury was then exacerbated when he later was hit by a truck and then beaten by teenage gang members. (All at once?) Wasn’t there also a drive by shooting at his SF house? What is going on with Ed? Also, why did none of this come out when he was running for elective office??

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  • cv

    Michael Vick: 23 months for federal felony dog fighting charges
    Ed Jew: 64 months for federal bribery and corruption charges

    Ed wins.

  • cv

    Michael Vick: 23 months for federal felony dog fighting charges
    Ed Jew: 64 months for federal bribery and corruption charges

    Ed wins.

  • Matt Baume

    Ed then tumbled down a flight of stairs, crashing into a baker carrying a tray full of pies. Unfortunately a piano was being hoisted right outside and the rope broke just as Ed was chased from the building by a crocodile and slipped on a banana peel, skidding into a passing dynamite truck.

    There were no survivors.

  • Matt Baume

    Ed then tumbled down a flight of stairs, crashing into a baker carrying a tray full of pies. Unfortunately a piano was being hoisted right outside and the rope broke just as Ed was chased from the building by a crocodile and slipped on a banana peel, skidding into a passing dynamite truck.

    There were no survivors.

  • generic

    Surely you meant a baker carrying a tray of ten chocolate layer cakes.

  • generic

    Surely you meant a baker carrying a tray of ten chocolate layer cakes.