Leno is hospitalized and so it falls upon me to provide America with its news in a witty fashion. Here goes. Americans are having so much trouble paying their mortgages because we’re spending too much damn money on our Netflix accounts. And apparently we won’t have to worry anymore about hostile attacks from oversees, as Obama’s rippling, shirtless magazine cover stands as a clear metaphor for America’s military might. Hmmm, I hear crickets, so I’ll just pass things on to culture and entertainment Friday, April 24th, 2009.
ANIMALS
Arachnophilia: The sequel they never made
CELEBRITY
Heaven comes calling for Reverend Timothy Wright.
Jay Leno hospitalized, Letterman theorizes top ten reasons why
Magazine cover stirs debate: hottest shirtless politico, Obama or Putin?
Oakland school gets unlikely visitor
FILM
DVDs: They make the recession go round
Disney’s latest environmental red herring
FOOD
Turning beer into fuel far more beneficial than turning beer into urine
HEALTH
The latest pandemic coming to a population near you!
MUSIC
Dan Deacon rattles Great American Music Hall
TV
Ever wonder how Homer got from the Nuclear Power Plant to Moe’s so damn fast?
What did we miss? Let us know.
