In the April 23 aftermath of The Great Heat San Franciscans take stock of what they have gained and lost: the woman in 21st century business; a case for fans in Berkeley, or not; and Newsom’s SUV incites scorn.


Former supervisor Ed Jew gets another year. Undercover FBI video is not quite Marion Barry smoking crack, but does prove that Jew was adept at counting money. No pun intended. CBS5, ABC7

The government giveth and they taketh away: State workers’ pay raises rescinded. CBS5, ABC7


Two woman named to highest positions in local hospital administrations. Nurses are the best people in the world, head of Department of Public Health claims. In a show of solidarity doctor’s everywhere leave a scalpel in a patient’s chest cavity. Chronicle

Another one for the ladies. Attorney General Jerry Brown tells court that Prop. 209, which eliminates preferential treatment for women and minorities in government programs, is unconstitutional. Chronicle


Apple’s second quarter profits exceed Wall Street’s expectations. Steve Jobs to return from absence in June. Must keep pretending to have cancer so as not to draw attention to the fact that he is a robot building an army of iPhone users. It’s called the iRobot app.

Man breaks into house, orders Berkeley woman to perform sex act. Instead, of politely agreeing she screams, and he flees. Man laments the loss of common courtesy in the modern world. Police tell people to not leave windows open; that’s how the vampires get in. But what if that vampire is Robert Pattinson? Police rescind statement tell people to always leave window open in case Robert Pattinson needs to get in. Examiner


San Francisco man arrested for exposing himself to children at a Cupertino Target, when he could have been naked in San Francisco for free. Another piece of evidence that legalization takes away all the fun, and that the Go International collection at Target makes people crazy. Weekly


San Jose woman charged with attempted murder after trying to run-down friend with minivan. Man remains in coma. We know what mom would say, “With friends like that who needs San Jose?” CBS5

Logic 101: God told Miss California that gay marriage is wrong. If Perez Hilton thinks Miss America should stand for all Americans, and Perez Hilton is God, then who’s talking to Miss California? CBS5


Relationship between homeless and funding for homeless becomes inversely proportional. This makes sense if you don’t think about it. ABC7


As part of Zero Waste Campaign Berkeley farmer’s market becomes first in country to ban all plastics, also does away with fruits, vegetables, and farmers who might go to waste. Brings in small white boxes for solitary meditation. The Public Press

MTA board doesn’t really like the Muni. It’s dirty and slow and full of people. They drive their Priuses to work anyway. Streetsblog

Two films at SF film festival set in the Mission. Neither explores the seedy underworld of plaid shirts, mustache tattoos, PBR, under appreciated bands, and zines so many zines. Hipsters wonder: when will our story be told? Mission Local

Mayor Newsom celebrates Earth Day: drives over baby dolphins with SUV, gets blood diamond microdermabrasion facial, dines on bicyclists at local restaurant. Streetsblog

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